Haunted Cop Shop
If this monk wants a donation from Chief Shun
he's in for a real disappointment.
Chief Shun will say this in his usual Japanese-styled monologue.
I'm really sorry but I really have no money for you.
Sorry, sir!
I'm really sorry, sir.
Aren't you 3927?
Amida Buddha.
6424, I'm no longer the old 3927.
I'm a monk now. My sacerdotal name is Wai Chin.
What? This is really too unexpected.
A gallant policeman like you would actually seek life in a monastry.
As your old colleague, I feel a sense of loss.
It's because I've been so remorseless after all those years
that I wanted to repent and turn to monkhood.
Such tragic ending to a beautiful police story.
So what brings you here today?
To test if I have levitated from the earthly nature.
That is really too deep for me to understand.
What has your levitation test got to do with wisiting me?
You would have never guessed.
Before I became a monk, you were the one that I hated the most.
But today, I have come to your salvation.
That should prove if I've reached levitation.
You're out of your mind.
As a Chief of Police with
such efficient staff under me, would I even need your help?
Regardless, I have only two things to warn you.
I hope you will be well prepared.
First, after midnight on the 7th day from today,
you must not let any woman in pink enter the premises.
Otherwise, this headquarters shall receive demonic harrassment.
That is absolutely ridiculous! It's stupid. You...
Secondly, you must refrain yourself from coarse language.
Or else, blood shall descend upon you. It's up to you to believe it or not.
You...You're too...
What? Macky Kim.
Yes, sir!
A hit by a mere tennis ball can cause a bleeding?
Could what he said be true? So demonical.
What's happening seven days from now?
What happening?
It's the Yu-Lan Festival!
The Yu-Lan Festival? (The Hungre Gnosts Festival)
Who do you think you are? You cheat.
Did you hear what he said?
I couldn't hear a thing.
They look vicious.
Hey, buddy! You're standing in my way.
I'll give you 5 seconds to move your car elsewhere.
5 seconds? 5,4,3,2,1.
5 seconds have passed. So, what's going to happen?
Need me to avenge for you, Chiu?
No! Just hold onto my gun.
Just in case I lose control.
Not good. They're cops.
Sorry, officer. I didn't mean it. Not a problem! I won't abuse my authority.
This is merely a civil case.
Unless it's necessary, my friend won't open fire.
Say no more. You just want a fight, don't you?
And you,you too... Come on, altogether now.
Bravo! I've never seen such a heroic cop in a long time.
Oh yeah! Usually cops would assume they're great
just because they carry guns around them.
But not this one! He's a real man!
Definitely... a real man indeed!
Come on, hit me... I won't be jobbing you. Remember what you said, officer!
They're for real. What'll we do?
Look! The moods of your audience are riding high.
You're their idol now. Just hang in there!
You're amazing, officer. There's a real winner in you.
Right on! I feel a little dizzy.
Let's call it quits. 1,2,3. We've lost!
You've won this match. Fair and square!
Let's do it again some other day.
Thank you, officer! Much obliged...
Let's go! You were great out there, buddy!
You're the first real manly cop I've ever seen,
I'm flattered. This is called keeping a good relationship between the police and the public.
See? Although this officer has lost the fight,
he'll have to let go of that parking space and give it back to them.
I agree.
You're a clever one, good friend. We'll give it back to them.
Bye-bye! Bye-bye!
We don't need to stoop that low, do we?
We may have lost the battle but we've earned a round of applause.
Come on. Smile! We have to keep up our image.
I'm going in for a little shopping. Just smile presentably.
Boss!
What would you like to buy, officer?
Just the usual paper products and whatever needed to be
burnt on the Yu-Lan Festival. Hurry, please.
What's happening?
Sneaky Ming... have you caught him yet?
We're still on the streets. We'll be back before dark. Over!
Chung, it's not even the Mid-Autumn Festival yet. Why hang the lantern so soon?
What do you kids know? This is the victory lantern.
It's an old tradition to have it hung on the doorway
so the wandering spirits shall not make a mess in the premises.
That's ridiculous!
This is a police station. Not a mortuary.
How would these ghosts come in so easily?
Exactly.
But this district is off-limits from the city.
What would happen if one of them got lost and wandered in?
That'd be bad for all of us, right?
You've got a point. Then, you better tie it tight.
Tie it tight.
Going anywhere after work, Millie? Wanna go watch a movie?
I'll think about it.
The usual! What do you think?
I guess that's a no.
Okay!
Hi, Millie!
What are you guys trying to do? Nothing.
Pay up. I told you she wouldn't wearing a bra.
How can your guesses be so accurate all the time?
It's simple! Are you wearing any socks today?
No.
Why not?
It's been raining for days. They're not dried yet.
Well, there you go!
If your socks aren't dried, how can her bra be dry?
That's pretty logical, beady eyes!
Why are you screaming when I haven't even hit you yet?
I'm just giving the immediate reaction beforehand, officer.
I learnt this from my woman.
She said giving a reaction is most important.
The louder she screams, the happier her clients get.
Once you're happy with my reaction, you officers naturally won't be hitting me.
I'm not like those youngsters. They pretend to be
Rambo even when they've been beaten to a near-death state.
It's just so unprofessional.
Don't I have a point, officers?
Hello, officers! How are you?
What now?
We've found nothing.
Take off those undershorts! Take them off!
Please, officer! Let me off the hook!
I really didn't steal any diamond crucifix.
I was in church because I heard the Lord's call.
He says he's come to my salvation.
Still trying to con us with your stupid stories?
Now, I'm not coming to your salvation so I'll knock you out of your senses instead.
Please don't do this to me, officer!
This is not the first time you know me.
Getting admissable evidence from me is like listening to fairy tales.
The degree of believability is low but
it's entertaining just as long as we're having fun.
It's a lot better than arguing all night long.
My partner hasn't cracked a case in the last 6 months.
Tonight we have the chance to meet again.
For old times sake, help us as a friend. Just admit the crime.
I'll help you appeal to the judge for leniency.
It's not that I don't want to help but I've got
2 theft convictions. If I get convicted again, I'll go to jail.
You guys just want to crack a case, right?
See that waste bin in front of this station?
I'm the one who kicked and broke it.
Charge me for vandalism. Isn't that friendly enough for you?
After all my begging, you still try to deny?
Ghost!
It's Millie!
It's frightening. Let's go check it out!
Where are you guys going?
What about me?
Check the library.
It can't be that haunted, can it?
Who is it?
You look so overdressed. Are you going to a Halloween party?
I don't have a choice. I was forced to strip.
Hey! What are you looking for? Looking for the light switch?
Obviously, the switch is on the wall. Why bother checking the floor?
Have you seen my head?
Your head? You mean the socket head, right?
My head is missing.
Ghosts!
Give my head back to me.
Give it back...
I won't... Die!
Give it back...
I've finally got the cruciflx back!
Well done, Chiu!
Oh! I'm so scared!
We've really nailed you this time.
What? Try to scare me back?
Take him down to the cell first.
Sneaky Ming! What are you in for? Did you rob a 7-1 1 this time?
This has gone too far!
As police officers, you dress up like this in the line of duty!
We were just trying to scare Sneaky Ming.
That's right. I found the crucifix.
You fools! Using such ways to clear a case is absolutely ridiculous.
Sir!
Quit explaining. What's the point of becoming police officers when
you're going to use the police headquarters like it's a movie set?
You might as well turn yourselves into actors.
A refined and valorous Chief of Police
as myself, leading a bunch of jerks like you. It's pitiful!
Now, get to work and bring those
paper boy and girl servants out to the courtyard
and burn them exactly on midnight.
And also, don't let any women dressed in pink enter the station.
Yes, sir!
Oh no... my masterpiece!
Why do we need to burn so many things on the Yu Lan Festival?
You wouldn't know since you're new around here.
Then, tell me about it.
Did you know what this station used to be?
Take a guess.
A funeral home?
Uncle Chung from the canteen told me that this place was once a clubhouse
for the Japanese army. When they lost the war,
a group of Japanese people committed seppeku together.
So the dolls were burnt to keep them at peace.
A clubhouse? This place doesn't look like one.
It's true. What we're standing on right now, used to be a nightclub.
The lounge was underneath and the cannon room was above us.
Cannon room? Kowloon Tong! Where people make out!
Well, you know! The place where we'd visit often.
Badmouthing me again!
Is there a reason why we have to burn these exactly at midnight?
It's when the gates of hell open.
Does this count as a woman in pink?!
Could this be a fantasy come true?
Excellent!
You're so sexy. Let's make love!
Welcome to the clubhouse.
This is a clubhouse?
Yes. Please enter.
But I'm in jail. How can l... Jailbirds need to relax too.
Good point.
Please.
Hey! What's the name of this clubhouse?
I don't even know where he learns this. It's impeccable!
Can't you tell, Mrs. Chen?
Don't you dare get any ideas on my best friend!
What are you looking at? Even men? Don't you dare!
Of course, I won't!
Can't leave him alone for a second!
What would you like to drink?
Anything will do.
This place may be a bit old-fashioned.
But having such a facility at a police station
is good enough for us jailbirds.
Sir, have you arranged to play a few rounds of mahjong?
Mahjong? Mahjong...
Take this gentleman to the mahjong room. This way, please.
Mahjong. Excellent!
Hi! I'm new around here. My name's Sneaky Ming.
I don't know your rules. How big is your bet?
We're high rollers. We bet our entire fortune.
Wow! That's a big wager. Are we betting on our lives here?
If you want to bet on your life, we can accept that.
If my life is worthy enough, I guess I'm willing to bet on it.
How can this be? Look at this.
Big four winds calling Fat Choi to win?
No need to show off like that, four-eyes.
Calling out the Fat Choi? Don't assume we'll discard it out for you.
The game has just started. I can draw it out myself.
What a coincidence. I've just drawn one. I'll keep this.
If you're on such a roll, try and draw it all out.
Can't win them all. Including this, I've only got a pair.
Don't even think I'll discard any for you.
Well then, I'll discard it for you to triplet.
Good draw! What? Why do we have 5 Fat-Choi tiles?
You've got one. He's got one. My little brother's got one.
There's one on the table. Where is a 5th one?
But you said you've got a pair of Fat Choi.
You're a fool for believing what people tell you.
Stop playing mahjong and switch to religion instead.
Hey, old man! Don't be such a smart-ass.
Draw your tile, four-eyes.
Change tiles? We'll follow him and discard the Fat Choi.
East!
Kong (4 of a kind). Kong on Kong.
Kong on West.
What luck! Kong on North as well. Scared yet?
There are 2 Red Dragons on the table. I don't see any 3 Circles.
I'll discard the Red Dragon and call the 3 Circles.
Red Dragon.
Don't change your mind twice. It's not allowed.
Yeah.
No one's going to discard 3 Circles for you.
Are you guys really planning not to discard 3 Circles?
Of course!
Then, I guess I'll have to draw it by myself. Double jackpot!
You've really self-drawn your own life this time.
Self-drawn your own life...
You've declared a wrong win. Pay us your life.
My eyes may have been demonized, fellow brethrens.
Please give me another chance. Otherwise, I can't rest in peace.
Alright. Then, we'll let you die in peace.
Bless me, dear lord.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Kong!
Kong on Kong!
Kong again! Please. Not another one.
Kong on North again!
Be careful there. Don't declare another wrong win.
I better be extra careful.
What's this tile?
Red Dragon.
And this one?
3 Circles.
Are you sure it's a 3 Circle because that's a Red Dragon?
It's a 3 Circle. If you don't believe it, then just try to declare a win.
But this is a pair of Red Dragon! How could I be wrong?
I better not. I'm on a losing streak. 3 Circles.
Red Dragon, triplet.
But he said it is a 3 Circle.
That's what he said. What do you think this is?
Red Dragon.
Then I can triplet.
No way! It's a Red Dragon. I declare a win.
Are you really declaring a win?
Of course, I am. So what?
Could it be my eyes that are being demonized?
Ghosts!
Don't strangle me!
We can let you go. You'll just have to do something for us.
Not a problem...Just as long as you don't take me for a fool,
I'll do anything! I swear to God!
Inside this box is General lssei.
Today is the rebirth of his poltergeist.
You must bring him back to the mortal world.
Thank goodness. It's only a nightmare.
It can't be!
Help!
Sneaky Ming, you're making an escape!
Evil spirits... Demons...
Don't move, Sneaky Ming! Stop running.
I'm not the one who wants to escape, officers. But there really is a ghost.
That ghost is right behind you!
See? I told you he's always trying to con people.
Let's go after him!
Please don't bite me, buddy. My blood's impure.
I just found out last week that I'm infected with STD.
I need to go to the toilet right away.
What? Out of order? Under repairs again!
Hey! Open up! Who's in there?
Are you Man-Chiu? Are you constipated again?
You must have eaten too much fried pork skin.
Hold on tight! Just hold on.
Now, wasn't that relieving?
I simply can't wait any longer. I'll have to use the ladies washroom.
Sorry about this but I really need the washroom. Please understand my situation here.
Sir!
What's wrong? Make it fast.
We've got an escaped convict.
Which one?
Sneaky Ming.
Sneaky Ming?
Sir, didn't you say you needed the washroom?
After such a critical hit? Not anymore.
I've lost my mood to go.
Even if I force myself to go, it won't be comfortable.
It serves no point to be as constipated as him.
Constipated? What constipation?
You two must get Sneaky Ming back here before l
come into work tomorrow morning.
Otherwise, you'd better buy enough mosquito incense and be prepared
to guard the reservoir, you jackasses! You two, follow me!
Smarten up!
Why does the term "jackass" have to be a donkey?
Why can't it be a jack-rabbit, or a jack-bunny?
Stop talking nonsense, you jackass! Let's go!
Ming has really got us into trouble this time.
What's there to be afraid of? I'm a ghoul now.
If I get my hands on him, I'll...
Punch him hard 3 times in the face.
You scum! You've had us running all over for you.
Don't come near me. I'm a ghost!
Ghost? Are you still trying to fool us?
I really am a ghost!
Oh really?
Can't you leave me alone even as a ghost?
Help! Police violence! Police officers beating up a ghost!
Go to hell!
Is that how he looks like?
Hey! Where did Sneaky Ming go?
You jerk! Here we are, working hard and you lay down to sleep down here.
I'm a ghost, officer. We ghosts can get tired if there's no rest in the daytime.
Tired, huh? Get up!
Is this the one who let you out?
More or less but there's 2 front teeth missing.
What teeth?
You know? The ones that look somewhat like mine.
Never seen anyone with such ugly teeth as yours.
But it's true. What I'm telling you is a true fact.
Because we're both ghosts. Fabricating again?
But sir, I'm really a ghost. Really.
Sure! Look at yourself! Do ghosts have shadows?
A ghost? Ghost can fly. C'mon! Fly for us.
Ghost can walk through walls. Can you demonstrate that for us?
Please! Don't!
I can't do all of that yet, officer! I haven't even
passed the 7 day test yet. I may still be half-human,
half-ghost. In layman's terms, I'm just an apprentice.
However, I do have some powers. If you doubt me, why don't I try biting you?
Alright! Bite me!
Are you for real, Macky? Don't you worry!
Don't regret it! I won't.
Even as a ghost, you're still as dumb as ever. Would I use
myself as a test subject? Even if I would, I'd prefer to test it out on you.
Then what do you want?
You claim to be a ghost, right?
That's right.
Ghosts shouldn't be afraid of bullets, right?
Correct!
Then, I'll aim at your chest and shoot you 3 times, is that okay?
Not okay! I'm merely guessing.
But what if I'm wrong? Then, I'll really die.
I'm not even sure if I'm really dead.
And if I still got 1 % of human mortality in me? It'd be such a shame to die like that.
I may be guilty enough to be killed.
But it'd be awful to turn you officers into murderers.
You sure know how to protect us. Personal reward from me.
How can you prove you're a ghost?
I'll turn into ash when I see sunlight.
Good. This way, we won't be in trouble.
Let's give it a try.
If you turn into ash, then I'll believe you're a ghost.
Come on!
Please don't! I'm not a ghost. I'm human.
So you're human. Then, that means you can see the sunlight.
No...
What are you doing?
Marvelous! I heard you guys have caught Sneaky Ming, is that right?
Thanks for all the hard work.
Yes, sir. We've caught him but I'm afraid you won't recognize him.
That's far-fetched! Even if he turns into ashes, I'll recognize him right away.
Where is he?
Very well, sir. Look at this pile of ash. See if you recognize him.
Don't tell me this is Sneaky Ming?
You numbskulls! Trying to play pranks on me?
Sir, someone filed a report last night.
There were claims that the cattle stable was haunted by ghosts.
I've gotta take a leak. Then, go on.
Aren't you coming along?
You're such a coward! I'll go with you.
That's right! You're brave. You were born in a funeral home.
Did you hear a strange noise?
What noise?
I just farted.
Hey! Did you see that?
Can I assume I didn't?
Of course not. Let's go!
Don't lean on me like that!
Now, what would ghosts be doing with such a big piece of beef?
Could they be having a fondue?
I'm sure he's just playing dress-up so he can steal some beef.
Don't move! This is the police!
There's so many of them!
Hey, vampires! What do we do?
Vampires need no identification. Let's huddle around with them.
Those fools have stepped out. It's likely they're pretending to be vampires again.
Wonder if they're biting pigs or cows this time?
Just as long as they're not biting people, it doesn't matter what they bite on.
Stay here and wait for me to get everything prepared.
Doctor.
Nowadays, being a doctors is like acting in a stage play!
It's delicious!
Is it really delicious?
Of course not! Just keep up with the act.
This time is for real. What do we do now?
Listen to me!
It's mine. No, it's mine. It's mine...
Oh! What a waste...what a waste...
Very good!
Bottoms up!
That looks fierce!
That must be Count Dracula himself!
Go back to where you belong!
Green Hill, we'll be with you. Never will we part.
Green Hill, we'll be with you. Ever in our heart.
We don't know this song!
Sing the one that we won during kindergarden.
Fly, fly! You're awful. Fly here and there! It's so annoying!
We can whack you away. It really made our day.
Fly, fly! You're awful. Fly here...
I've never seen you two before!
We're new here.
We can whack you away. It really made our day.
Fly, fly! You're awful. Fly,ly...
Hurry! Into the car! Whack you away...
Green Hill Mental Asylum!
We're cops!
If you're really cops, then they're the Governor Generals of Hong Kong.
Hey! We're cops. Open up!
We can whack you away. It really made our day.
Fly, fly...
What's so funny, jackass?
Continue with your singing.
Sir, please don't make fun of us anymore.
You fools! Who's the one toying with you?
Right now, I'm filing a report and gathering statements.
Keep singing!
So, when can we stop singing?
Exactly.
Sing until your new superior heads into the office to report for duty.
That's right. I'm transferred here to be in charge of you two.
My name is Fanny Ho.
I'm a very democratic person.
That's why there's no need for you guys to treat me as your superior.
Just treat me as a friend.
However, anything this friend says is always right.
Yes! Anything you say before the end of the world is right.
Since coming into this district, the first case I'm handling is
to re-apprephend Sneaky Ming back into custody.
I've just read your filed report in regards to this case.
Other than the ketchup stains and the 1 4 sets of typing errors,
the content is absolutely ludicrous.
It is complete nonsense.
Am I right about this?
You're right.
From my point of view, Sneaky Ming did not turn into ashes.
But he has, in fact, fled away.
It's just that you two won't admit it, am I right?
You're wrong!
I'm wrong?
So does this mean you treat me as your superior and not as a friend?
Fine! Then as your superior, I'll tell you guys that
you have 48 hours to arrest Sneaky Ming.
Otherwise, turning into ashes won't do the two of you any good.
Now, get out!
Bitch! Thinks she's all high and mighty, coming in here with her shades on.
Damn her!
Do you know what's the most haunted place around Hong Kong?
What's the matter? Posting a lost-and-found ad?
Ghosts can be anywhere. Where else can we find Sneaky Ming?
With the way things are going, we'll have to take her to a haunted place in 48 hours.
She'll believe us once she encounters a ghost.
You nut! Haven't you heard that the shrieks of a ghost
can't be heard when one is running on good luck?
She's a Chief lnspector.
The metal ranks on her shoulders will surely
scare anyone away. Let alone ghosts. That'll be hard.
We can drag her luck all the way down.
How?
By making her eat dog meat.
My mom said when one is in high luck, that person should never eat dog meat.
Otherwise, that luck will slip away.
It's summertime right now. Where else can we find dog meat?
That's right.
Ah Foon, this is really not your lucky day.
The appetizers look really good today!
Oh yeah!
Uncle Wah, don't be so upset over Ah Foon's disappearance.
I'll treat you for a cup of tea.
I'm sure you'll find him back.
Ah Foon is like a lifelong friend to me.
Once I find out who stole Ah Foon,
I'll kill him!
What a delicious plate of beef brisket on rice!
Want to try some, Madam?
No thanks. I prefer eating a sandwich.
Don't you know how bad these sandwiches are?
They get exported to Ehthiopians.
They eat them till their eyes protrude.
But it's different with beef brisket on rice.
It's cooked with its special sauce. Give it a try!
I don't like eating beef brisket.
Right on!
Beef briskets are for the common peasants.
Successful people like Madam should be eating stuff like
fried rice with fresh tomatoes, beef and a hint of red peppers.
It's certainly appetizing.
Will you two leave me alone and
Iet me finish this sandwich in peace?
Sure!
So you're really not interested?
Get lost!
Yes, Madam!
Hey! It's time for lunch!
Yeah! Time for lunch.
Damn! This beef stinks.
It smells like cat food.
Let me kill him!
Which one... Which one?
But your beef stinks.
My beef stinks? I say it's your head that smells bad.
All the beef I serve is fresh!
You crook! Do you think you can get by with unfresh meat?
You may be able to fool others but you can't deceive me.
I know it best since I was born in a cattle.
I don't even care if you were born in a whorehouse!
Get someone else to try it if you still have any doubts.
Very well.
Somebody give it a try! Try it...
Let me try.
Get your hands off!
You'd eat anything in sight.
You can never tell the difference.
How about Madam? She's a fair person.
Let Madam try it.
Me?
Madam!
Madam, you've got to give me a fair judgement.
How does it taste?
How is it?
It does taste a little strange.
Strange, isn't it?
Eat another piece for a better taste.
Why is there an imprinted number on this piece of beef brisket?
What? A number?
PC3661!
What? PC3661!
Isn't that Ah Foon's number?
Chung, you've killed my Foon. I'll get you for this!
Get that dog slayer!
Get him!
Block him!
Get him! Don't let him get away with this!
I've got nothing to do with this...
I'll strangle you to death!
The meat was given to me by Macky Kim and Man-Chiu.
They've even instructed me to do this act so that
they can trick Madam into eating dog meat.
So it was you two!
I'm bad. I'm wrong. I'm low. I'm a disgrace.
Anyway, it was my fault. Yes! My fault!
I'm responsible for Ah Foon's death.
We were just playing around, Madam.
You animals! I must take revenge for Ah Foon!
Wait!
An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth.
I've killed Ah Foon but I can't pay you with my life.
The least I can do is stab my own leg with this! Will that do?
How gallant! I'm proud enough to call you a friend.
What a heroic thing to do!
Of course!
Go ahead! Stab...
Fine! I'll stab in front of you.
What the hell's wrong with you? You just stabbed me.
Are you okay, Macky Kim?
You did the actual killing. Who else would l stab other than you?
But you're the one who came up with the scheme!
The planner can't be classified as the guilty one.
I always think of positions to use for making out with Millie.
You never see her sueing me for rape now, do you?
Ah Foon. I'm sorry. Bow-Wow.
The floor's smoother than your face now, Madam. Can't we get off yet?
Yeah!
No way! After this, you boys have to wash all the police cars in the parking lot.
Then, you'll have to come back here to polish the boots.
Hey! We agreed to be punished by being police dogs.
Ah Foon never had to polish any boots.
Ah Foon never needed to be paid. What about you guys?
Madam!
What's the situation?
Sit!
What's the matter?
A female corpse was found at the city reservoir.
Come!
The deceased was a teacher in a school for the blind.
We believe that the cause of death is excess bleeding from a left artery.
Do you have any idea what bit her?
We can't be sure yet.
Madam, believe us.
This woman was bitten to death by a ghost.
Yes, Madam. We've even gathered information regarding this ghost.
Look! This is the one who bit Sneaky Ming to death.
When the war ended, he committed seppuku right beneath
our police headquarters. He's that General lssei.
Nonsense!
Do you want 2 extra pieces of furnture in your own home?
What do you mean?
If she doesn't become a vampire by midnight,
we'll cut our heads off as stools for you.
Fine! Then, I'll trust you two one last time.
There's only one minute left.
How can she rise? She's already dead.
If the dead can re-emerge from the dead, then Hong Kong will overload.
You're such a dimwit! Trying to deceive Madam like that!
You'd better wash your hair and prepare to become Madam's stool.
You'd become a stool if I lose as well, remember that?
I'm trying to confuse her so she'd forget me.
Better if one person lost instead of two.
If you were born 20 years ago, you'd be a traitor.
Damn it! Did you just scold me?
Speaking Mandarin now, aren't you? Step outside!
Fine! I'll step outside. I've wanted to pound you for a long time.
Pound me? Fine! Let's go!
She got up!
See? Was I right about that?
I've told you that she won't wake up. Let's go!
Stool number one, stool number two.
Yes!
Please be seated, Madam!
The stools in my home aren't used for sitting.
They're used for kicking.
That hard? Are you trying to kick us to death?
Do you think you'd be dead with a kick in the head?
Even a bullet through your heads won't kill you.
Why not?
Because your heads are brainless.
How can you make such a senseless claim?
Ghosts! Vampires! Are there any werewolves as well?
How can a dead corpse stare at me?
I told you she's wake up.
It's a fact. It's a solid fact!
Are you pleased now?
It's not because I proved myself right that is making me pleased.
But rather because I've proven you wrong that makes me satisfied.
Madam, where are you going?
I must report this to Chief Shun.
Aren't you afraid that he'll call you brainless?
Why are you following? You'd better lock up the room.
If she escapes, you and I will be in serious trouble.
Where's the key?
On the bed.
The bed?
Take a rest. If you get hungry,
I'll call the nurse to get you a bag of blood serum.
I'm just here for the keys. I don't mean to disturb you.
Open the door!
Chiu, what's going on?
Chiu, open up!
You have been surrounded by the police!
Don't be stupid.
Let's go.
It's a good thing that I'm not needed.
Move!
Tonight is your night!
Stop the car!
Right now, I'm ticketing you for dangerous driving and speeding.
Here is your ticket.
We're fellow cops on an assignment right now. Please get out of our way.
You should handle this one for yourself.
Better hurry up and throw it away.
So you're on a case, officer? What's the case?
We're in pursuit of a...
A female junkie running around the streets in the nude.
Running naked in the streets? We can lend a helping hand.
You two can search that way!
Alright!
There's a ominous aura in this house. You can tell that it's haunted just by looking at it.
That's exactly what I have in mind.
Are you sure? Maybe there's someone having a barbecue.
Let's go!
I know. But there's nothing wrong with checking it out. Let's move!
A police officer's gotta be more agile. Let's go!
She's a nutcase!
Unreal!
Hey! Don't push!
Go in.
You've got guts! You are a courageous woman indeed.
I'm ordering you guys to go in.
See? I told you! She's a coward.
Says who? I'll go in too!
I told you that she's brainless.
Madam, step aside. Allow me.
Stand aside. Let me at it! I'm a Karate expert.
This door can be opened, Madam. Come in!
What are you laughing at?
Don't move!
This ghost is really vicious!
What ghost?
So you're not a ghost?
You're insane! With me, Chung Fat-Pak around,
any spirits within 20 miles would move away!
Are you that good?
I'm not bluffing here. I began training at the age of 5.
Made a name for myself at 1 6, and opened a convenience store at 20.
Why open a convenience store?
I've exorcised all the ghosts. I had no business so I had to open
a store to make a living. I need to eat, you know?
Who are you people?
We're cops!
Cops? What are you doing here?
We're in pursuit of a female goblin.
A female goblin?
What do you want?
Madam, we've found the female junkie!
She's at the Three Saints House nearby.
Great! Take us there.
Hold on!
Shut the door!
You may come out now.
Is everything alright, master?
Alright? It's only just begun!
What should we do?
Set up the altar!
You! Go to the henhouse and bring back 2 cocks.
Light up the 7-Star Lantern and keep it burning.
Paste these all over the house.
Cock...cock...
Where else can you run off to, you damned cock?
Help me, Master!
That's very severe!
Kill the cock and bring me the blood.
Kill... I'll kill it...
Kill it! Hurry up!
A little cut here should do. It's still blood.
Hurry up and kill it!
Here's your chicken blood, Master!
What? Only 2 drops?
You! Take care of it for now.
Me? Go!
Stand aside!
What's wrong?
Get the chicken back!
Give me the knife!
We don't have any. Can we smash it with a walkman?
You're out of your mind!
No way, Master! I can't hold on any longer.
Master's really something! Move it!
Light the 7-Star Lantern again! Quickly!
It's done, Master!
Save me, master!
You guys better leave! Hurry!
Go!
Let's get out of here!
Hurry!
Wait for me!
Where are you guys?
We're being allured by demons.
My mother told me that if this ever happens, you should take off your underpants
and wear it on your head and keep walking forward. Then, you'll be fine.
I can't take it off.
What are you doing?
Taking my pants off to cover my head. Think I'm making love to you or something?
I can't take it off!
Take mine and cover your head.
Don't you dare! What about me?
Take another one off for her.
Sure! Then, I'll take off my last one for you.
No thanks. Don't take it off. It'll be all the same if I pull you from behind.
Clever!
Where are you guys, Macky Kim?
I might as well take it off since there's no witnesses around.
If I had a choice between getting bitten by rats,
I'd rather have you bite me to death instead. Go on! Bite me!
This is no good! I wonder where Madam could've gone to.
Yeah! Where could she be?
A rose?
If anyone leaks out information about what we saw tonight, I'll kill him!
Good morning, Madam!
Good morning. You promised not to spread anything about last night.
Don't you worry! Our lips are sealed.
Rose... I love you...
We're only kidding. Don't get so serious now.
This tactic is really outdated. You couldn't get a thief because of a ghostly encounter?
So what's the point of us police officers wearing the blue cap for?
We might as well hire Mr. Exorcist here.
Sir, please believe me!
I was brought up in a civilized family.
My education has always been in the logic of science.
I've actually never believed in the paranormal before.
But after what happened last night,
I'm sure Sneaky Ming was killed by that creature.
You imbecile! My father was a Taoist priest and my mother was a psychic.
I've had supernatural sight ever since I was born.
I live in a place that used to be a mortuary.
If there are ghosts, why can't I see them?
If the three of you still insist on saying there are ghosts,
then I must trouble you to capture one back for me to take a look.
I'd be really grateful if you could do it.
Very well! Then, we'll capture a ghost back just for you.
I'm all for it!
I'm not.
It's two against one. Majority wins.
Then you two can go ahead without me.
What are you scared of? That ghost can't be a threat in the daytime.
That's just what you say. You can't guarantee anything!
I'm not going and that's final!
Come on!
Those three must be up to something.
I believe this is it, Madam.
Move it! What are you afraid of?
Who said I was scared?
If you aren't scared, then why are you carrying so much junk?
I brought them just in case protection is needed.
Throw it away!
A wooden stake and hammer is all we need.
Let's go!
Move it!
According to the weather forecast,
a solar eclipse which appears once
every 10 years will be happening in Hong Kong at 2pm.
That's precisely in 15 minutes.
The solar eclipse will take a duration of 3 minutes.
Look at how beautiful this place is.
It doesn't look haunted at all. It's more like a beach resort.
And these containers. I bet they're there for containing coconut or fruit juice.
You know how it is with coconut juice. Fresh and sweet!
Macky, there's even a huge lounge
and a bar with lots of alcohol.
Don't you believe me, Madam?
You don't?
You're pretty clever. You saw through my deception too.
How about this, Madam? We'll get off work early and I'll treat you out to a disco.
You don't like the disco, don't you?
Then, I'll treat you all for a barbecue.
Why stare at me with such contempt?
So I'm scared of ghosts. What's the big deal?
If I'm not going, then I won't! I'll go home and play some mahjong with my mother.
Man-Chiu!
I know you guys won't let me off so easily.
Hold on tight!
I know. Just be careful!
Coming through. Watch it!
It's hurt!
Pull harder, Man-Chiu!
You're pulling off my pants!
Are you okay, Madam?
Bullshit! Let's see if you're okay with being dropped to the ground like this!
You're so clumsy. We'll talk inside.
My abdominal's too big. I'm stuck and I can't get in.
Use a little more strength... Pull harder!
Pull harder!
What now?
I can't! I don't think I can make it.
You guys will have to do it without me.
There's not much time left. I feel bad for being unable to help.
Go on...no need to wait for me.
Go on! I told you not to wait for me.
Just leave him alone. Let's do it!
Why are you so scared? It's not like this is the first time you've seen him.
But this is the first time I'm doing this so I am a little scared.
Your stake is reversed to the other way.
What's the matter?
What are you so scared about? It's not your first time seeing him.
I was psychologically prepared to see his head.
Who would've guessed I'd see its feet?
Why is she there?
So this one must be...
Who should we strike first?
Of course, it's ladies first, stupid!
Hey! Strike it!
Hey! Just strike it!
Strike...
I'm striking it!
Just get on with it. Don't be such a chicken!
Let me do it.
It's merely past 2pm. How can it be so dark all of a sudden?
Strike her!
Hold her down first. I'll strike her.
Strike her!
Now it's your turn!
Great! Let me hammer down that Japanese to death.
Quick! Get in the casket!
It's none of my business! I'm just passing by, making a delivery.
See? I sell garlic...
I've got nothing to do with this, your excellency.
Really! It's none of my business. Please don't come over.
Don't! Don't come over. No...
Man-Chiu!
What?
Where did that creature go?
How would I know? He might have gone out for an afternoon teatime.
I'm really scared right now. Better hurry up and tell Madam to get out of here.
Come out!
I won't!
That thing is gone.
I don't believe you.
It's Macky Kim.
Prove it.
Oh geez! Rose... I love you...
I told you to never mention that again!
It was so horrific. I'm not bluffing either.
Wait for me! Hold on for a minute. So where were we?
The story started a long time ago. You came late.
You guys better believe it. Once the sun beamed down,
the vampire just disappeared into thin air.
Is this for real? Is this possible?
Uncle Chung, you're a retired exorcist.
This field of work is your expertise.
Can you think of any methods to capture that vampire?
You've really irritated him this time.
Even if you came looking for him, he'll come back to look for you.
Don't scare me like that, Uncle Chung!
I'm not giving you a scare, Madam.
It's better for you to learn the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" procedure if
you want to sleep tight tonight.
Is the difficulty hard?
Not at all. Before you go to bed, all you need to do is place a pair of shoes by your pillow.
Place one shoe upwards and the other downwards.
What's the meaning of this?
Don't you get it? It's a victory endorsement.
Then you fold your pants in the shape of an octagon.
Put it on the top of your head and use it as a pillow.
And then, you strike the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" post just like this diagram.
Spirits won't dare to come into contact with you.
We can't use this method for the rest of our lives.
Is any absolute method to dispose him?
It's going to be hard. In fact, this is no ordinary vampire.
Typical curses and peachwod sabres won't have any effect on him.
That is unless you can find seven coffin nails!
Seven coffin nails?
These seven coffin nails are only useful if they've
been buried before a period of 7 weeks. No more, no less.
First, you nail his 4 branches. Then, his 2 air holes.
And the last one must be aimed at his heart.
So what will happen to him?
Then he shall be destroyed, never to be reincarnated ever again.
Remember the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" stance when you sleep tonight.
What do you think, Madam?
It sounds too terrifying. You boys should come sleep at my place.
I'm all for it! Then, we'll sleep at Madam's place tonight.
You sleep in one room. I'll sleep in the same room with Madam.
We can keep ourselves safer that way.
Your head is full of dirty, perverted thoughts.
It's not perversion. It's called being naughty.
I have a feeling that my taste is becoming much closer to Madam's.
Low and unrefined, right?
Low? Are you implying that Madam is unrefined?
Look! Do you know what this is?
It's a Japanese bonsai tree. A symbol of culture and a sign of good taste.
Japanese? It's from China!
Do you have any proof of that?
You want proof? In year 255 BC, Emperor Qin sent Cheng Wu
to escort 3000 boys and girls
with these plants to venture in the Eastern shore. That's Japan!
This is where they later settled and began to flourish.
So, how can you say they're not from China?
Cheng Wu was in the Ming Dynasty, not the Qin Dynasty.
That's a thousand years apart. And it was Hsu Fu, fool!
Anyway, they're from China. Since when has Japanese plants ever look so tall?
It's more Japanese when you shorten it up a bit.
Now! That's more like it!
No! This does.
Like this... No...shorter...
The decoration of your place looks very refreshing, Madam.
My mother decorated it. She passed away three years ago.
Nothing's been moved or changed.
Especially those 3 plants. They were her favorites.
You imbeciles!
I told you not to touch other people's belongings like that!
Well, we all seem to be hungry now. I'll head out and get some midnight snacks.
Don't believe anything he said, Madam.
I didn't touch your stuff. I really didn't!
Do I look like a nosy person?
My family raised me properly.
Macky Kim told me to pose as a woman by wearing this for him to see.
He's gay. Hence his Chinese name is Kim Mak-GAY.
He's gay...
Damn that beady eyes. Talking behind my back!
You'll feel my wrath very soon.
Please don't be mad at me, Madam!
Your father's not around to comfort you in Hong Kong.
If you don't mind, I could take his place.
Get away from me!
Aren't you afraid of being alone in your room, Madam?
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
It's just me, Madam. Are you lonely?
Get out!
Yes, Madam!
I guess that just proved she's not acting out of restraint. She simply has no interest in me.
I'm such a failure!
Man-Chiu, what are you doing?
I'm giving you such a scare now, aren't l?
Where are my undies? "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"...
The other side of love is hatred. Therefore, I'll scare the crap out of you!
You nutcase! How can you be a cop when you're such a scaredy-cat?
Help me, Madam! Open the door!
No... I won't...
Open up! It's coming over.
No! I won't...
Close the door...
Want midnight snacks? I'd rather give you guys a good scare first!
The ghost is pounding the door. Let's get out of here!
I'm just having a little fun...
Wait for me!
Is it faster this way?
No! I'm having a cramp.
Now what?
There's only one thing to do since the situation has come to this. We'll have to fight him.
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
What dipper?
What the hell? That's so vicious... he's behind the bushes.
I am so dead...
Shut up!
I'll bite you to death!
You're so damned pretentious! It's me! Macky Kim.
It's you! Seeing you is such a relief.
Say no more. Let's go in and take a look at Madam.
Where's the undies?
God! You're such a troublemaker.
You saw me there, didn't you? "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
It worked! "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"...
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
What eminent? It's me!
How is it? Is everything alright?
It really brings tears to my eyes, seeing you two here again.
Why are you two standing over there?
Now, how was that? His blood tastes spicy.
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
Lend this to me.
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!
Don't bother me!
Don't come near me. Help!
"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"! What?
A fried breadstick?!
Now, what do we do?
We've only got two options.
Which two options?
The first option is to go directly over to the haunted house.
The haunted house? No way! I think I'll prefer the second option.
Head over to the cemetary and look for seven coffin nails.
Then, come over to the haunted house and meet up with me.
The cemetary? That's just as bad.
Let's move!
This looks too suspicious.
You're such a coward! What are you doing alone in here?
I...well...don't you know? I'm here to look for Sneaky Ming!
So you've finally admitted Sneaky Ming is still alive!
Everybody shares the problem but never the reward, right?
This is absolutely logical. You stay here and keep an eye on things.
I'll get my reward.
Catching thieves under such atmosphere is a lot of fun!
Sneaky Ming, why are you standing there like a block of wood?
Look at you! You're dressed like a freak show. Are you trying to scare people?
It's absolutely pathetic!
Look at this! You've even painted over your fingernails. Have you no shame?
No matter how hard you try, you can never look like a convincing ghost.
Let me show you how real ghosts are.
Excuse me. I've made a big mistake.
So Sammo Hung is here to make a horror movie.
I love all his vampire movies.
Where's Lam Ching-Ying? I've always wanted his autograph.
He's not here? Not a problem. I'll come back another day.
Hong Kong film productions are so serious nowadays.
They've even gone to the lengths of hiring real ghosts for ghost flicks.
No wonder they've become such box office hits.
I wouldn't mind being part of the film industry if I had the chance.
Help!
Ghost!
Help!
Help me, Macky Kim!
Let's get out of here!
What now?
Fight back! We've still got a chance.
Fight back?
Help!
The nails! They're here.
Man-Chiu!
To hell with it!
I'm going to get you!
Man-Chiu!
Where's the nails?
Over there!
Help!
Hurry up!
Help!
That thing's right behind me!
There's a room over there. Let's get out through that door.
Let's go!
Hurry up...
Be carefull.
Sir, catch it! Great.
Help! That really smarts.
Help! Help me!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this on purpose.
Hey! He's afraid of the sunlight.
Not good.
Are you alright, sir?
I'm fine...
What about you, Madam?
I'm okay.
Didn't he bite you?
No.
Better do a thorough check.
So you've been bitten?
Yes, but it's a hicky.
A hicky? Then we should really check it out!